Memorial Day

When I was a child, Memorial Day was spent visiting the graves of family members who had passed on. I moved away from home over 10 years ago and haven't had any graves to visit. For me Memorial Day has just become a welcome break from work; except for this year.

This year, my nephew is serving his second tour in Iraq. He is home with his wife and three children for two weeks leave and I got to talk to him briefly on the phone. It was good to hear his voice particularly because he sounded happy. Sure, he would be happy to be home visiting his family, but I was listening for any hint of trouble in his voice.

Of course, I worry about my nephew losing his life in Iraq. I also worry about him losing himself. I know people who were in the Vietnam War and the stories they tell make me worry for my nephew. My uncle was in the Vietnam War and when he returned his wife once woke him from a bad dream only to have him knock her out cold. In the dream he was still in Vietnam and he just reacted. My uncle was able to work through the damage that had been done to him during his tour of duty, but not all veterans have been so lucky.

Memorial Day is a day of remembrance and I wish that the leaders of our country had remembered the horrors of Vietnam when they were so eager to "save" Iraq. I am no expert on the Vietnam War but I have taken the time to learn a bit about that time in our history. For those people who think our country is so virtuous, the history of the Vietnam would be a surprise. It is not that I don't appreciate the freedoms that I enjoy in this country; I have just recognized that we are not perfect. With that understanding, we should learn from our mistakes to ensure that another generation is not scarred by a tragedy such as Vietnam.

It is also important to recognize that it is not just our people who are scarred. Many people across Southeast Asia were harmed by our actions during the Vietnam War. I recently visited Laos and I was troubled to learn that Laos was the most heavily bombed country in the Vietnam War. US pilots dropped bombs on Laos just to get rid of the bombs before landing in Thailand. Can you imagine how the people of Laos felt about that? Particularly when many of the Hmong hill tribe people were fighting the Viet Cong with us. The US secretly placed service men in Laos despite a Geneva Convention Agreement that Laos remain neutral. How can we ask other country's to abide by international law when we don't do it ourselves. Our careless actions such as these are often fueling the hatred towards the US.

It is my sincere hope that our leaders will make better decisions regarding foreign policy. We can not continue to act like the big school bully even under the guise that we are doing it for everyone's good. Not only is it not true, but everyone sees through it.

Vietnam: A Television History

In Love and War: The Story of a Family's Ordeal and Sacrifice During the Vietnam Years

Why a Pen Name

It goes along with the self-delusion that my writing may actually be good and people may actually read this blog. If people do read this blog and I used my real name then my real friends and family may hear about it. I want to be anonymous so that I can say what I think with out worrying how the people I know will feel about it. I am really not a false person just very sensitive about offending those I love and I know that many of my opinions disagree sharply with the beliefs held by most of my family. I think they know it too because there seems to be an unspoken agreement that we don't talk about certain subjects.

To start off this blog, I want to share why I chose the name that I did. I named myself after three women who had a significant positive effect on my life.

Angela is the first name of my first true friend. I could say that she saved my life because she befriended me when we were in middle school and at that time I was considering suicide. She didn't realize it but she made me give life a second chance. She was an angel to me.

May is my older sister's middle name. This sister practically raised me and we share a close bond. I always knew my sister had stuck up for me in the rough and tumble family we had but I didn't realize what it had cost her until I confessed to her that I had been sexually abused by our brother. Turns out that when I was just a baby she was being sexually abused by another brother. When my mom and dad went away she would go and hide from my brother. She would hear me crying and she would come out of hiding to protect me even though she knew my brother was making me cry just to get her to come out.

Packard is the maiden name of my mother-in-law and the contribution that she made to my life was raising a son that is respectful, loving and understanding. Being from a family where the boys were cruel and self-serving made me appreciate what it takes to raise good children. I'm sure my father-in-law had a hand in the raising of my good husband as well but none of his name worked for my pen name.

So, now you know the other reason why I'm using a pen name ... dark family secrets. But don't jump to conclusions just yet. In everyone there is good and bad.