Complaining

So, I'm really happy to be pregnant and all the ultrasounds show a healthy active baby. So, what is there to complain about? Well, I have Behcet's disease which is an autoimmune disorder that causes all kinds of problems. It's not a big deal when I take the immune suppressing medicine I'm prescribed but I'm not supposed to take any medicine when I'm pregnant. Also, the pregnancy hormones affect the severity of the symptoms. Bottom-line I'm getting hammered. Ulcers through out my digestive tract, bruise-like lesions on my legs, inflamed sinuses and now I have a new symptom of raised itchy bumps on my legs. Since all these symptoms are quite uncomfortable, I'm finding it difficult to sleep and lack of sleep is a contributor to the severity of the Behcet's symptoms.

Last week, I had to be put on a course of steroids because the symptoms got so bad that I thought I might miscarry. Fortunately, after a trip to the emergency room the doctor confirmed that the pregnancy was not in jeopardy. No sooner had I gotten off the steroids that many of the symptoms returned. A couple of days ago, I finally crashed and slept for 11 hours. It felt so good but I still woke up tired.

So, I'm sitting on my couch, still in my pajamas and feeling sorry for myself wondering how in the world am I going to get through the next 6 months of this pregnancy.

Why I am Disappointed in my Country

Two things happened today. First, I received an email from my uncle that was basically a complaint to President Obama about his approach to the international community. If the email is true, Obama apologized for some of President Bush's and America's actions in a speech he gave overseas. The writer of the email felt that in doing so, President Obama made America appear weak. Of course, the sacrifices of American soldiers during World War II were brought up to say that President Obama had disgraced those sacrifices.

The second thing that happened is that I watched the movie Innocent Voices about the El Salvador civil war. The movie highlights the practice of "recruiting" young boys into the El Salvador army by following one boy as he goes through the months preceding his 12th birthday. The age of 12 is when boys are most likely to be forced into the army so their choice is to either wait until they are picked up by the El Salvador army or join the guerrillas. The US government supported the El Salvador army and even sent troops to train the army. The US troops were training these 12 year old boys to be soldiers!!

Here's a link to a PBS site with information about the El Salvador civil war: http://www.pbs.org/itvs/enemiesofwar/elsalvador2.html

There is a reason that when someone wants to point out the United States' moral superiority that they have to go back to World War II. It's because we did do something great in that war. We did free millions of people from tyranny. But what we did over 60 years ago doesn't give us the right to not take responsibility for our mistakes. We've made a number of mistakes since World War II and apologizing for those mistakes doesn't make us weak. It takes courage to apologize and try to do better. We keep making the same mistakes on the international scene because we aren't willing to admit that we've made a mistake.

I am incredibly respectful of the people who serve in our armed forces because I recognize that they are putting their lives on the line to protect our country. I also understand that there are good and bad in every group of people and it seems to me that it is the bad in the armed forces that we need to address. We need to take the stand that we cannot condone atrocities by claiming that they are necessary to protect our freedom.

Like Korea and Vietnam, our support of the El Salvador army was a tactic to try and prevent a "leftist" or "socialist" government from being installed. Apparently, we are so afraid of other ideas that we are willing to kill innocent people over it. No one knows what would have happened in Korea, Vietnam, El Salvador or any other country if we had not interfered. Maybe they would have gotten governments that were repressive but maybe they wouldn't have. With the number of people who have been killed due to our interference, who can say if any one is better off as a result of our actions. And what of the people who survived? The CIA recruited Osama Bin Laden to fight the Soviets. (http://www.globalpolicy.org/empire/terrorwar/analysis/2008/0120history.htm) How much did we contribute to the creation of the world's most well known terrorist?

I'm not advocating that we withdraw from the world and not get involved at all. What I am advocating is that we make decisions based on reason not fear. I wonder if these decisions are made with any consideration for the innocent people who are caught in the cross fire as governments fight for control over ideas. There is not just one flavor of Democracy. Democracy simply means that people choose the type of government they get. If the people choose socialism, let them do it!!

I love my country and the ideals on which it was established. I'm just tired of people using patriotism as a weapon against anyone who speaks out against human rights abuses committed by our own country. Sometimes your best friend is the person who tells you when you are being an ass.

How Would I be Judged?

I have not been shy about writing about my religion and my questions about my religion. I admit that I am very confusing when it comes to religion. So, I have been very excited about exploring the community of Mormon Bloggers and enjoyed a number of their blogs. Just today I came across a blog that made me think twice about my excitement over finding this community.

Overwhelmingly Mormons are Republicans and therefore against Obama and his policies. I actually don't have a problem with someone expressing their views. I want to retain my freedom of speech and so I cannot complain about someone else who uses their right to free speech. Just for the record... I am a registered Republican but the only reason I'm still registered that way is because I'm too lazy to submit the paper work to have it changed. I feel that I am independent, which is why I'm not anxious to change my registration because I don't know what I'd change it to. In the last election, I voted for both Democrats, Republicans and quite possibly a third party candidate. I researched each candidate for the various offices and made my choice based on who I thought was the best person for the job. I really wish the two parties would just go away.

I do have a problem with outright lies and I've heard them from both sides. Because most of my family are staunch Republicans I've heard more lies about the Democrats. Just because you don't like someone doesn't mean that every nasty rumour about that person is true. Check your facts before you forward an email or post something to your website. I am now the annoying family member who tells everyone when they have sent out an email that is false. I'm tired of the lies and it is not a very good representation of our religion or community.

I am also tired of people justify their inflammatory and hateful remarks as standing up for their beliefs. It is possible to voice your beliefs with out being inflammatory and hateful. You can say: "I don't agree with your point of view because I believe it will lead to the following troubles ..." instead of saying the person who disagrees with you is "evil", "stupid", "perverted", etc. If we say we are Christians then we need to start behaving as such. There is a song I learned as a child that is so needed now "Jesus said love everyone treat them kindly too. When your heart is filled with love others will love you". Please note that it says everyone, not the people you agree with or the people who vote like your or the people who accept your religion. It says EVERYONE!

The blog that got this rant going was talking about Obama's pick for the chairmanship of the National Intelligence Council, Charles Freeman. The blog asserted that Freeman hates Israel, loves Saudi Arabia and has condoned certain human rights abuses in China. Honestly, I don't know if the specific allegations are true or false. From what I've read thus far there is not sufficient evidence. I know there are some people who would disagree with this but just because you read something on the Internet does not make it true. I want to see credible references before I consider something truth.

The justification for the bloggers statements about Freeman derive from the fact that Freeman spent time in Saudi Arabia as a US Ambassador. In my opinion, his experience living within a Muslim community would make him better experienced to understand the extreme Muslim terrorists who are hiding out in that community. From my experience traveling around the world and speaking with many people from all over the world, one of the biggest failings of the Unites States is that as a whole the people don't take the time to understand other cultures or other people. When you are a diplomat or a politician not understanding the other side is disastrous. You would make mistakes in judgement because your judgement is based on an incorrect understanding.

I am truely disgusted with this tendancy to assume that just because a person has connections with a particular country that they are not patriotic Americans. It seems that our fellow countrymen are acting jealously. Reading these kinds of assumtions from a fellow Mormon is even more disheartening because so many of our young men and women serve missions around the world. The common theme when they return is how much they "grew to love the people" of the country where they served. Don't they think that an ambassador may experience the same feelings towards the people of the country where he or she served? There are wonderful and good people everywhere in the world. When you take the time to learn about them, to talk with them and to be a part of their community, you understand things from their perspective and some times you come to realize that your previous assumptions were wrong.

I look at how Obama was judged for time he lived outside the United States and how Charles Freeman is being judged for his association with other countries and I wonder how I would be judged if I were running for public office. I am Mormon so there are people who would judge me unacceptable on that fact alone. I have spent time in Indonesia so maybe I'm really Muslim. I've spent even more time in Thailand and I occasionally attend the Buddhist temple in Miami so perhaps I'm really Buddhist. I have friends who are gay and lesbian and I feel that there should be some type of civil union available to them (let's separate church and state on this issue please). I support a woman's right to choose abortion although I don't believe it should be used as a form of birth control. I don't like abortion but until a law can be developed that protects the woman as much as the unborn child I think the better option is to leave the decision in the hands of the woman. Why don't we have more sex education then perhaps fewer people would be seeking abortions because they would know how to avoid getting pregnant in the first place. I could go on and on with all the things that someone out there could judge me on. I'm sure there are people who think I'm going to hell for sure. I'm certainly not likely to get elected.

To Believe or Not To Believe

It seems that every few years I have a trial of my faith; or lack of faith perhaps. There are somethings that I don't imagine I'd ever stop believing because of experiences that forged the beliefs so strongly. One such belief is that there is a God. Although, I believe there is a God, I also recognize that I could be wrong. I'm sure that seems very confusing but the definition of Faith in Hebrews 11:1 is: "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." So, I don't think I am wrong to recognize that I don't know if there is a God even though I believe that there is.

Lately as I have gone through some personal difficulties, I have returned to thoughts about God that trouble me. Is he a loving God or is he a vengeful God? Is he really involved in our lives or does he just stand back and let things happen as they will? Is God a he or a she? Maybe God is both? Will I go to hell for entertaining so many questions about God?

Any one who recognizes their own weaknesses wants to believe in a loving and forgiving God. For such a God would love them despite their weaknesses. I fall into this category. I want to believe that God will forgive my doubts and understand my less than perfect life in light of my weaknesses. I want to believe that he/she will accept my life and the good that I'm able to do with out worrying so much about the rituals that I don't understand and therefore don't participate in.

It is in times of personal difficulties that I begin to wonder about this God of vengeance. Punishment for sin was something that was deeply ingrained as a child and so the idea that my difficulties are a punishment is always present. The fear of God's punishment kept me from doing many things. It didn't, however, keep my brothers from abusing me. I had a conversation recently with my mother in which I mentioned this abuse. I hadn't talked to her about it since I was 12 years old when I told her what one of my brothers was doing to me. She did confronted my brother with my accusation and he denied it. My brother was sent on his way while my mother gave me advice on what I should do to avoid the abuse. From then on, if I complained about something my brothers did, the response was "What did you do to provoke it?" So, I came to feel that the abuse was my fault. That I was the one who was sinning. It has taken many years and a couple of mental health professionals to help me move past the self-blame and -loathing that resulted from my mother's recriminations.

So recently, my mother was wondering why I am so adamant about the role of women in society and I remind her of the abuse I suffered as a child. Her response was to say that my brother who I accused so many years ago now has a loving wife and family and I need to learn to forgive him. On one hand, I imagine my mother was trying to tell me to let past hurts go. And I do agree that holding a grudge only hurts the person holding it. I feel that she was also telling me not to ruin my brother's life by exposing his past. There is no acknowledgement of how my life has been affected by my brother's actions. There is no understanding that this is more that just forgiving my brother. It is an ongoing process of healing a broken soul.

With all the many years that have passed and the counselors who have taught me how to cope, one statement from my mother brings me to tears and reminds me how lonely and afraid I was at 12 years old. It was at that time when I realized that I could not rely on anyone to protect me. Given how deeply these experiences have affected me, it is any wonder that I would want to improve the lot of all women? Is it surprising that I would want to do all that I can to stop abuse and end the cycle of misery?

Along with my anger regarding my mother's defense of my brother, there is anger at God. Why would he allow these things to continue when I prayed so sincerely for relief? Now, I have been taught that God must allow everyone their agency to chose good or evil. So, maybe God did not stop the abuse because my brother had to freely choose good over evil. My brother obviously failed that test. So God may not force an individual to chose good, but shouldn't a church supposedly lead and directed by God be setup in such a fashion that it encourages and trains it's members to make good choices?

The church to which I belong is a very patriarchal church. The men hold the priesthood and women are taught to be subject to them. There are scriptures and such that emphasize that men are not to abuse their priesthood power but there always seem to be other scriptures that can be used as justification when a man does abuse his power. It is my personal belief that this inequality promotes the maltreatment of women. Now, I recognize that the majority of men in my church love their wives and treat them kindly. The older men although kind to their wives still hold onto the "head of the household" status and expect to be obeyed by their wives. The younger men seem to be embracing the partnership model of marriage more and more. However, there are still rules that must not be broken. Women are not to work outside the home unless there are extenuating circumstances. Women and girls don't hold the priesthood.

Holding the priesthood is such a privilege that women will say how grateful they are to have the priesthood in their home because they have a husband or son who holds the priesthood. Since a daughter can not hold the priesthood, she is relegated to a position of second-best. A parent may express their gratitude for having a daughter but it isn't the same because she can not bring to the home the valued priesthood which a son could. When a daughter is seen as second-best whether conciously or sub-conciously, it will happen that the son's welfare will be given a higher priority to the daughter. This is where the maltreatment comes in. It may be sub-concious but it is there and results in men who feel justified in their abuse of women and women who don't have the self esteem to know they deserve better.

Would a loving God intentionally place such a division between His sons and daughters? In Acts 10:34 Peter says "Of a truth I perceive that God is no respecter of persons" If this is true that God loves His daughters the same as His sons and it was never His intention to exclude His daughters or make them feel second-best.

In this trial of faith, I wonder how I can stay true to the beliefs I hold dear and still remain a member of a church that seems at odds to those beliefs. An easy solution would be to find another church that I can attend. I have actually attended other churches and in each one I have found this or that belief that doesn't sit well with me. Another thought is to stop attending church and worship in my own way at home. I happen to be a very social person and I like the community that I am part of when I attend church. Actually, there are a number of women in my congregation who share my beliefs about women. We are the closeted feminists hiding amongst the staunch patriarchal believers. Bigger than that is that fact that despite my concerns and lack of faith, I believe that the gospel as taught by Jesus Christ is true. I believe that the Book of Mormon is true. It's all the other stuff that is added on that I question and doubt. What of it is true and what is mankind's own creation to supply divine justification for actions and beliefs?

I sympathize with the father who brought his child to be healed by Jesus ...
"Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth. And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." (Mark 9:23-24)

Brainwashing or Teaching?

I have complained many times on my blog regarding the my inability to make time for writing. I will not complain more, I only want to say that I wish someone would invent a mechanism for capturing thoughts and instantly transcribing them to a blog. It would be such a time savings, though quite possibly unintelligible.

In my thoughts over the last several weeks are on the events surrounding the raid on the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It is a tragedy on so many levels. The obvious tragedy is that young girls have been forced into marriages. Anyone watching the interviews with the mothers whose children have been taken from them can sympathize with their grief. It may be easier for us to justify taking custody of the kids if we imagine these people to be monsters. I think perhaps some of them are the perverted monsters we want to imagine but many of them are good people trying to live their religion.

How is it that a "good" person could allow their underage daughter to be married to a much older man? What if you were taught from the time you were young that this is natural and the way to godliness? If you didn't know any other life but this, it would not seem strange at all. At that suggestion, the response seems to be that the members of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints have been brainwashed and they are brainwashing their kids? If you ask them, they will say they are just teaching their kids the right way to live. The fact is there are many different cultures through out the world that are different from ours and just being different doesn't make them wrong. However, there are certain morals which need to be upheld and one of those is the right of each person to make his or her own choices.

The difference between brainwashing and teaching is the ability for the recipient to truly make their own choices. The trouble is that there is a fine line between brainwashing and teaching. I'm not a parent so I can only rely on my experiences from when I was young. I think that at times my parents crossed into the brainwashing realm. They aren't evil people by any means. They were doing their best to teach their children right from wrong. To this day, I can hear my mother telling me "people who smoke are bad, smoking is evil". It wasn't until I had graduated from college that I learned that my mother's father got addicted to smoking and it caused problems with his lungs. He died when my mother was a young girl. She was brainwashing us to keep us from even trying a cigarette. She was afraid that genetically we too would be predisposed to the same lung problems and if we picked up smoking we too would die young.

The question from my example is: Did I avoid smoking because I consciously chose to do so or did I avoid it because I was afraid of what my mother would say? The bottom-line is that most kids want their parent's approval and that desire is so strong that sometimes it can be difficult to tell why you made certain choices.

Assuming that the adult members of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints were only trying to teach their culture to their children and didn't intentionally do any brainwashing, does that make the underage marriages OK? I don't think it does. If I struggle to separate my parents' desires for me from my own choice and I'm thirty-something, how much more difficult would it be for a teenager? I don't think teenagers should be forced into marriage ... period! Marriage is difficult enough with out the added burden of immaturity and going through puberty at the same time. Add to that the complexities of a polygamous marriage and to an older man. This is abuse, whether intended or not.

This truly is a very complicated situation where it can be difficult to determine right or wrong. Was it right to take custody of kids who might be abused? Is it wrong to separate parents from their children and take away those parents' right to raise their children in their own beliefs? What is the correct solution to this situation?

Many years ago, a sociology teacher explained our personal rights in the following fashion: "My right to throw a punch ends when I impede upon your right to be safe from violence." The Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints claims the right to practice their religion as they chose, but that right ends when they take away the rights of others and the children have the right to a childhood free of fear and abuse.

From my own experience as an sexually abused teenager, I am in favor of taking the children into custody. Why? Because underage marriage is abuse not a religion. Because the beliefs and isolation of the church made it difficult for any abused child to seek or receive help. I know what it feels like to be trapped in an abusive situation and not know how to get out. Being too young and too afraid to speak up. How I wished that someone would notice my plight and step in to protect me.

As I mentioned the right way to address this situation is not clear cut. There are probably kids who were never abused and this separation is creating problems for them. I do sympathize with them. This is why it is a tragedy on so many levels and it was so unnecessary. The why it was unnecessary will have to be the topic of another post because I'll have to explain polygamy from a Mormon's perspective.

Seeking After These Things

Wow! It's been a long time since I posted. I guess I got overwhelmed with other things ... like work! The last few weeks I've been trying to think of how I can fit this blog in with everything else I'm trying to do. Sometimes, my biggest challenges result from my desire to do everything and be everything. In reality there just isn't enough time in the day or energy in my body for it all.

So, today I'm supposed to be watching the Latter-Day Saint General Conference and all I'm hearing is blah-blah-blah. Just for those of you not familiar with this conference, it is a bi-annual event where all LDS folks (a.k.a Mormons) tune into a broadcast from Salt Lake City. In many cases, the conference addresses are inspirational and uplifting. Because I have a tendency to be a bit more liberal than mainstream mormons, I do find some things a bit challenging. I don't think I was even listening today. That may be because I've got a cold and not feeling well does have a tendency to make me disinterested in most things.

While listening to the conference, I found myself browsing the internet following links from one post to the next. Some of the posts were written by ex-mormons and others by mormons. I wasn't looking for anything specific just following the links that had an interesting title. I was happy to find that some of the posts by ex-mormons were respectful which isn't always the case. I was also happy to find some posts by mormons which were open-minded which isn't always the case. It was encouraging because I truly hate bitter arguments about religion. The bottom-line is that religion is a matter of faith. It can not be proved or disproved so why fight over it.

Reading these posts today reminded me of the simple precepts that are held up as our Articles of Faith. The two which came to mind are numbers 11 and 13:

#11 We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.

#13 We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

I have my own struggles with my religion. There are things I don't understand and things that frustrate me. Even so, I hold dearly onto my right to have my religion and I don't like others knocking my religion. I don't think any religion is perfect because they are all dependent on people who are not perfect. I've done some investigation of other christian religions and have found things that I don't like about them as well. So, what would be the point of making a change.

I love that the LDS religion was founded by man who once was a 14 year-old boy who had questions. Today, it seems that those who have questions are problematic. People don't know how to handle the questions. They are afraid that to question is to risk apostasy. I am learning to embrace my questions. They are my heritage. It is only when we question that we grow. This church would not exist if it had not been for a question.

The response that Joseph Smith received to his question was considered heretical to some who had closed their minds to other possibilities. Perhaps that is why Joseph Smith tried to promote open-mindedness through the thirteenth article of faith. If we are seeking out the good things wherever they may be found, then we will have open-minds. A little open-mindedness and true Christlike love for others would go a long way to making this world a better place.

UPDATE 8-8-2014 - Where do I even start updating this post?  Maybe I should just point out my more recent posts that explain my complete loss of religion.  I still do not like bitter arguments about religion because I just don't see the point.  No one knows for sure if there is or is not a god or a life after this.  I am feeling quite angry towards the mormon religion in particular because I feel like I've been lied to for most of my life.  The Articles of Faith mentioned above was simply one of the church's earliest attempts at public relations and it is well perfected now.  There are so many things said or written publicly which don't reflect the actual beliefs and teachings.  It also seems that the church changes it's position as needed to stay in favor with it's conservative base.  There is no open-mindedness or ability to ask questions.  That was recently and publicly demonstrated when the church excommunicated a woman for asking that women be given the priesthood.  Oddly enough the church is more conservative now than it was at it's beginning.

I do find it amusing that I'm now a devil atheist just like my only commenter on this post, Zhu.  At least I'm in good company.

The Curse of Cussing

After I posted my last blog entry, it was as if the heavens either conspired against me or decided to test my resolve. I just got slammed with things to do! I had a house guest for two weeks, had a few nights of overtime at work, was asked to create some little origami flowers as gifts for the new members of my women's club and I was elected to the position of Vice President of Education in my Toastmaster's club.

The problem with being self-deluded is that you believe you can accomplish 30 hours worth of stuff in the 24 hour day!

So, I finally got back to blogging and I really enjoyed following the links left by the people who commented on my posts. I love the comments and I really enjoyed the blogs! And anytime I start reading blogs, I follow interesting links from one blog to another and find my way through a maze of topics and interests. It is like heaven for someone with a short attention span!

As I read along, I became aware of a trend that is not unique to blogging. The occasional sometimes frequent use of the "F" word. I'm sure that some people will think that I am very conservative or hyper-religious or whatever. Think what you may. I do not like that word! I hear it more and more in movies, in music on the street. To me it is "fingernails on the chalkboard". It represents all the horrible types of sexual intercourse; abuse, rape, incest, etc. So when someone says "FU" it is like they are wishing all those horrible things on the other person.

I just don't understand why people want to use such a disgusting word. In most cases, it isn't necessary. It doesn't help the story line, or make the point. In my opinion it detracts. It degrades the person who uses it.

I certainly am not perfect when it comes to cussing. I've been known to occasionally use the less offensive four-letter words. I'm trying to stop use them all together. When I was very young, I learned at least one swear word from my dad who used them on occasion when the cows just weren't cooperating. Over the years he replaced the four-letter words with more creative expression to please my mother who really disliked any foul language.

I think I'll start using those expressions ...

Grab all Friday!
Great Caesar's Ghost!
Cotton Pickin'!

Then there was my grandmother's ... Fooey! (different inflections of the voice while saying this expletive created different meanings)

And my mother's ... Fiddle Sticks!

Perhaps I'll make up my own ...

What a pile of nibbily bits!
Goofy and Mickey!

Or quote cartoon characters like Sylvester the Cat ... Suffering Succotash!

I guess my point is that cussing is really not necessary and having a funny cuss word to say really relieves tension much better than an actual cuss word. It would also get everyone to smile!

**UPDATE 8-6-14 - It is interesting how my opinions have changed.  I have lived such a sheltered life that I rarely interacted with people that didn't share my same beliefs or more correctly the beliefs I'd been raised with.  When I have been put in situations to interact with people who were different from me, I quickly dropped my prejudices as I came to see that they were generally good people.  I'd literally been brainwashed to think that anyone who didn't conform to the beliefs I was taught as a child was evil.  That included myself which explains why I've always struggled with guilt and a feeling that I was evil.  Pretty fucked up in my opinion.

Memorial Day

When I was a child, Memorial Day was spent visiting the graves of family members who had passed on. I moved away from home over 10 years ago and haven't had any graves to visit. For me Memorial Day has just become a welcome break from work; except for this year.

This year, my nephew is serving his second tour in Iraq. He is home with his wife and three children for two weeks leave and I got to talk to him briefly on the phone. It was good to hear his voice particularly because he sounded happy. Sure, he would be happy to be home visiting his family, but I was listening for any hint of trouble in his voice.

Of course, I worry about my nephew losing his life in Iraq. I also worry about him losing himself. I know people who were in the Vietnam War and the stories they tell make me worry for my nephew. My uncle was in the Vietnam War and when he returned his wife once woke him from a bad dream only to have him knock her out cold. In the dream he was still in Vietnam and he just reacted. My uncle was able to work through the damage that had been done to him during his tour of duty, but not all veterans have been so lucky.

Memorial Day is a day of remembrance and I wish that the leaders of our country had remembered the horrors of Vietnam when they were so eager to "save" Iraq. I am no expert on the Vietnam War but I have taken the time to learn a bit about that time in our history. For those people who think our country is so virtuous, the history of the Vietnam would be a surprise. It is not that I don't appreciate the freedoms that I enjoy in this country; I have just recognized that we are not perfect. With that understanding, we should learn from our mistakes to ensure that another generation is not scarred by a tragedy such as Vietnam.

It is also important to recognize that it is not just our people who are scarred. Many people across Southeast Asia were harmed by our actions during the Vietnam War. I recently visited Laos and I was troubled to learn that Laos was the most heavily bombed country in the Vietnam War. US pilots dropped bombs on Laos just to get rid of the bombs before landing in Thailand. Can you imagine how the people of Laos felt about that? Particularly when many of the Hmong hill tribe people were fighting the Viet Cong with us. The US secretly placed service men in Laos despite a Geneva Convention Agreement that Laos remain neutral. How can we ask other country's to abide by international law when we don't do it ourselves. Our careless actions such as these are often fueling the hatred towards the US.

It is my sincere hope that our leaders will make better decisions regarding foreign policy. We can not continue to act like the big school bully even under the guise that we are doing it for everyone's good. Not only is it not true, but everyone sees through it.

Vietnam: A Television History

In Love and War: The Story of a Family's Ordeal and Sacrifice During the Vietnam Years