Preventing the Sexual Abuse of Children

As promised back in September, I am posting some additional information on child sexual abuse. I actually gave a speech today in my Toastmasters Club on the topic so here is the information I prepared for that.

Here are some statistics that I got from the Darkness To Light website:
- Before age 18 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused
- There are 39 million survivors of sexual abuse in the United States
- 90% of sexually abused children are victimized by people they know
- 40% of sexual abuse cases have a perpetrator who is an older or larger child
- The median age of sexual abuse is 9 years old
- 70 to 80% of abused children have substance abuse problems as they get older
- 50% of abused boys have suicidal thoughts
- 60% of teen pregnancies are preceded by sexual abuse

A frightening statistic that I got from the website Keep Your Child Safe says that 1 in 20 adults have pedophile tendencies!

Now that I have scared the "you know what" out of you, how can we prevent child sexual abuse. Prevention is made difficult by the following factors: 80% of sexual abuse occurs in one-on-one situations and since parents think they can identify a perpetrator they don't worry about leaving their child alone with a "trusted" adult. Also, most children are naive about sex and sexual boundaries because their parents are uncomfortable talking about it. Parents also assume their child will tell them if they are abused.

Most importantly AVOID ONE-ON-ONE SITUATIONS WITH A CHILD!! Forgive the "screaming" but it is so simple that I had to emphasize the point. Don't be alone with a child and don't leave your child alone with any adult. When a one-on-one situation can not be avoided (the Darkness to Light website indicates that normal one-on-one time is good for a child's self esteem) make sure that some basic rules are followed.
- Get specifics about the plans
- Public places are best
- Drop in unexpectedly
- Notice your child’s behavior and response to questions when they return
- Announce that you and your child are educated about sexual abuse

Don't fall victim to the common misconception of a perpetrator who is the sulking man in a trench coat in the park. Sexual Abuse Perpetrators look and act “normal” and they very careful “groom” children for abuse. "Grooming" includes gaining the trust of parents and exposing the child to inappropriate talk and behavior slowly so that suspicions are not raised. Some parents worry that talking to their children about sex will take away their innocence. When handled appropriately talk about sex makes the child comfortable with their bodies and encourages them to continue talking with their parents. Most importantly it allows parents to teach their children sexual boundaries so that a perpetrator can not exploit the child's naivity. Children need to be told that abusers may be people he/she knows.

The misconception parents have that their children will tell them if they are abused, couldn't be more wrong. Children are more likely to tell a trusted adult other than a parent. Perpetrators of abuse use many tactics to ensure the child doesn’t tell. They threaten the child and his/her family. They tell the child it is their fault and how disappointed everyone will be if they knew. They will also tell the child that there is nothing wrong with the abuse, it is just a game. It's no wonder that when children do tell someone of the abuse they only share limited information to gauge the reaction.

Because of the child's hesitancy it is important how you react. It is critical that you remain observant of your child's behavior. Notice different or inappropriate behavior in your child and explore the reason why he/she is exhibiting this behavior. It is critical that you remain calm and objective. If the child senses that you are agitated, emotional or angry they will shut down. Children have a tendency to blame themselves and they don't want to make trouble. This is why the negative emotions can be scary for the child even if those emotions are not directed at the child. Ask open-ended questions of the child in a non-threatening way. Remember that only 1 to 4% of all reported sexual abuse cases are based on false accusations. So, your child is telling the truth make sure you acknowledge that because he/she needs your support.

Report any incidents of abuse and act on suspicions. The Darkness to Light website provided many resources for reporting abuse, getting assistance for abused children and even just to ask questions or help evaluating suspicions. Just one of those numbers is the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453

The statistics indicate that sexual abuse among children is of epidemic proportions. It is so important that we do all we can to stop this tragedy. Support organizations which work to prevent child abuse and support victims. One of the most valuable things that you can do is talk about the problem. If everyone got over their fears and discomfort regarding this subject many of the misconceptions wouldn't exist. The more educated people are the less likely they will be to leave an opporutnity for their child to be sexually abused.

Blogging Against Abuse

Well, I wasn't planning on posting today. However, I took a moment to visit some of my favorite blogs and noticed a badge on Victorya's blog for the Blogging Against Abuse Day sponsored by the Blog Catalog site. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to participate and support a cause that I care a lot about.



I am particularly passionate about stopping child abuse because I feel that abusing a child is among the worst crimes/sins that can be committed. I agree wholeheartedly with the verse in Luke (17:2) "It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones."

When I traveled in South East Asia, I was horrified to learn how many children in those countries are sold as sex slaves. The biggest customers are Western tourists. The statistics regarding abuse in America is staggering as well. If it weren't way past my bedtime (I need my 8 hours), I would spend some time to track down the most recent statistics. I think I'll follow-up with that information in another post.

Another note as well. Since I have recently extracted myself from a difficult job with a horrible work environment, I acknowledge that abuse comes in many forms. Anyone who has had a tyranical boss knows what I'm talking about. It is abusing to use power to manipulate and control people. Also, we abuse someone anytime we treat them disrespectfully or put ourselves above others.

I think sometimes I am guilty of this as well. I can be very disdainful of my former boss and her cronies who have inflicted so much unhappiness on so many people. I want to believe that is just "righteous indignation". Is it really or is that just an excuse?

To quote the bible once again in John 13:34 it says: "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another." Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone loved everyone else the way that Christ loved? I want to experience a world like that!

Check out all the blogs that participated. Most of them are much better written than my little post. Bloggers Unite & Make a Difference

Distraction Kills Children

I actually have other things that I planned to post, but I saw an article on Excite News that I just have to say something about.

Sentences Vary When Kids Die in Hot Cars

The article tells the story of a father who simply forgot to take his daughter inside when he got home and had so many things going on that he didn't think about her for 7 hours. I know that our initial thoughts are "How could a responsible adult let that happen?".

I don't have children so the only example I have is something I forgot at work yesterday. I have a very important task to do before I left work. It was simple enough, run a report from our system before the weekend when the system would be taken down for maintenance. I had prepared for this all week sending out emails to users warning about the system outage and how they had to have their data entered before I ran the report. Then halfway through the bus ride home, I gasped as I realized I hadn't run the report. I was on a commuter bus so there was no way I could go back and the system would be taken off line in just 30 minutes. Fortunately, I called around until I found someone who was available to run the report for me. I owe the person donuts or something for saving my "bacon".

The reason I share this recent experience is because I can understand how a mind can become so crowded with thoughts that the important things can get pushed out. Anyone with ADD can understand what I'm talking about. Yes, I have ADD and I went through several years of treatment and therapy to learn how to train my brain around the things that make ADD difficult. Having a crowded brain which is easily distracted is one of those difficulties. The thing is ADD can be a temporary condition for anyone that is experiencing a particularly busy or stressful day. So, anyone could forget something as important as their own child.

As I read the article, I was thinking "this could happen to me". I can remember the complete story of a movie that I watched when I was 6 years old but I would as the cliche goes "forget my head if it weren't attached". It is a frightening thought. My only defense from such a tragedy would be to practice something that I learned to cope with ADD in general. Repitition; create a habit of checking and to create such a habit you have to check every time. In a way, it is like learned obsessive complusion. So, if I had children I would check the car seat every time I got out of the car even if I thought I didn't have the children with me.

What does it take? 2 seconds?

So, I have been tagged again on another fun activity. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow.