Why I am Disappointed in my Country

Two things happened today. First, I received an email from my uncle that was basically a complaint to President Obama about his approach to the international community. If the email is true, Obama apologized for some of President Bush's and America's actions in a speech he gave overseas. The writer of the email felt that in doing so, President Obama made America appear weak. Of course, the sacrifices of American soldiers during World War II were brought up to say that President Obama had disgraced those sacrifices.

The second thing that happened is that I watched the movie Innocent Voices about the El Salvador civil war. The movie highlights the practice of "recruiting" young boys into the El Salvador army by following one boy as he goes through the months preceding his 12th birthday. The age of 12 is when boys are most likely to be forced into the army so their choice is to either wait until they are picked up by the El Salvador army or join the guerrillas. The US government supported the El Salvador army and even sent troops to train the army. The US troops were training these 12 year old boys to be soldiers!!

Here's a link to a PBS site with information about the El Salvador civil war: http://www.pbs.org/itvs/enemiesofwar/elsalvador2.html

There is a reason that when someone wants to point out the United States' moral superiority that they have to go back to World War II. It's because we did do something great in that war. We did free millions of people from tyranny. But what we did over 60 years ago doesn't give us the right to not take responsibility for our mistakes. We've made a number of mistakes since World War II and apologizing for those mistakes doesn't make us weak. It takes courage to apologize and try to do better. We keep making the same mistakes on the international scene because we aren't willing to admit that we've made a mistake.

I am incredibly respectful of the people who serve in our armed forces because I recognize that they are putting their lives on the line to protect our country. I also understand that there are good and bad in every group of people and it seems to me that it is the bad in the armed forces that we need to address. We need to take the stand that we cannot condone atrocities by claiming that they are necessary to protect our freedom.

Like Korea and Vietnam, our support of the El Salvador army was a tactic to try and prevent a "leftist" or "socialist" government from being installed. Apparently, we are so afraid of other ideas that we are willing to kill innocent people over it. No one knows what would have happened in Korea, Vietnam, El Salvador or any other country if we had not interfered. Maybe they would have gotten governments that were repressive but maybe they wouldn't have. With the number of people who have been killed due to our interference, who can say if any one is better off as a result of our actions. And what of the people who survived? The CIA recruited Osama Bin Laden to fight the Soviets. (http://www.globalpolicy.org/empire/terrorwar/analysis/2008/0120history.htm) How much did we contribute to the creation of the world's most well known terrorist?

I'm not advocating that we withdraw from the world and not get involved at all. What I am advocating is that we make decisions based on reason not fear. I wonder if these decisions are made with any consideration for the innocent people who are caught in the cross fire as governments fight for control over ideas. There is not just one flavor of Democracy. Democracy simply means that people choose the type of government they get. If the people choose socialism, let them do it!!

I love my country and the ideals on which it was established. I'm just tired of people using patriotism as a weapon against anyone who speaks out against human rights abuses committed by our own country. Sometimes your best friend is the person who tells you when you are being an ass.

The Irony

I am pregnant again. Only 5 weeks along so I haven't told anyone. Only my husband, of course! After the miscarriage last fall, I'm afraid that it will happen again. I have spent most of my life dreading any illness that makes me nauseous. To me the feeling of being sick to my stomach is the worst, give me pain any day. Yet, each day I am yearning for some nausea, some evidence that my hormone levels are rising and that this pregnancy will be OK. Maybe I shouldn't be nervous because my mother had babies well into her 40s but I am afraid. I am afraid of the feeling of loss that comes with a miscarriage. I am afraid of the worry that we'll never have a child and we'll grow into old crotchety people who scare the neighborhood children.

For now, I am pregnant and I unashamedly pray each night and morning that this pregnancy will last and this child will live!

My Unsung Hero

I believe that we all have at least one. Someone who did something incredible for you and you may not even know about it. My unsung hero is my older sister.

My older brother was molesting my sister every time my parents left the house. She quickly learned to hide when my parents left and stay hidden until they returned. That was until I was born. My older siblings were old enough to babysit, so my parents would leave me in their care when they went out. My sister was my primary care giver but when my parents left the house she would go into hiding as normal. My brother would then pinch me, poke me do whatever it took to get me to cry. He did this because he knew my sister would come out of her hiding place to take care of me. When she did, he tormented her and molested her.

My sister always did her best to try and protect me. I have memories as I got older of my sister standing up to my brothers when I became the target of their tormenting. She made sure that my brothers didn't have an opportunity to abuse me up until the time she got married. The brother that had molested her was also married so she hoped that I would be OK. My other brother was the one that abused me.

She didn't tell me about what she had endured until I told her about what had happened to me. As we shared our stories, it struck me that my sister spent a lot of time apologizing for not doing more. Here was a person who was no more than a child at the time and yet she took the responsibility to care for an infant and protect that child as best she could. It is because of her that the abuse I suffered was not as bad as what she suffered. No one could have expected her to do more. I can't think of anyone who is more of a hero to me. How I admire her selflessness and love her for the person that she is.

Who is your unsung hero?

Sunday Evening

Amorphous sinking dread
Sad resignation
Sunday anticipation of Monday morning
Overwhelming volumes
High expectations
Bills to pay, family to feed
Motivation to start another week