I am pregnant again. Only 5 weeks along so I haven't told anyone. Only my husband, of course! After the miscarriage last fall, I'm afraid that it will happen again. I have spent most of my life dreading any illness that makes me nauseous. To me the feeling of being sick to my stomach is the worst, give me pain any day. Yet, each day I am yearning for some nausea, some evidence that my hormone levels are rising and that this pregnancy will be OK. Maybe I shouldn't be nervous because my mother had babies well into her 40s but I am afraid. I am afraid of the feeling of loss that comes with a miscarriage. I am afraid of the worry that we'll never have a child and we'll grow into old crotchety people who scare the neighborhood children.
For now, I am pregnant and I unashamedly pray each night and morning that this pregnancy will last and this child will live!